Margaret Owen to Take Up Bridge

I suspect that everyone else already knows this, but as regular teammates with Margaret, I have only just found out. Apparently, she is standing down as Membership Secretary so she can do other things, including playing more bridge.

This month I also discovered that Rod “Numbers” Owen, our Treasurer, has been carrying on with Margaret for some time (I’m not sure what “carrying on” means, but it doesn’t sound good). Who would have thought this kind of thing would go on at a bridge club, I hope their spouses don’t find out.

“Numbers” has been playing more bridge since he retired recently, and this might be pushing Margaret to want to stay ahead of him in the Masterpoints race to becoming a Grand Poohbah.

Of course, Margaret being Margaret, she is still going to be helping out as we transition from BC (Before Chaos) to AD (Absolute Disaster). Though with Margaret helping us to get there I am confident nobody will find out how bad things are until long after I’ve been run out of town as President.

I have learnt a lot from watching the Tory party in the UK, apparently if you make such a mess of things that nobody sane would want to take over, then you can stay in power for ever.

Seriously, of course we will survive without Margaret, but she will be sorely missed (something about taking your hand out of a bucket of water and you can’t tell the difference, my memory as a student is of falling asleep and having my hand put into a bucket of water, and that was definitely noticeable).

Mike, Sue, and Josh are going to absorb the work that Margaret has been doing (yes, three people to replace her), and if we need to, we will try to find someone else to help out, but Mike has a strong focus on cost management, so we will try not to bring anyone on to begin with.

When I say Margaret will be sorely missed, I’m sure that isn’t true for everyone. I know this doesn’t apply to you, dear reader, but some people occasionally try to pay with Monopoly money or pop a button into the envelope instead of a two-dollar coin. I’ve even seen the odd person swipe their library card over the EFTPOS machine and make a beeping noise.

Those people are quite used to an early morning call from a slightly angry Scottish woman asking them to please get their account in order. Most do, but some have experienced Margaret jumping out of a bush as they walk out of their front door and giving them a court summons and a few choice words.

This is a good point to introduce my favourite Scottish joke, safe in the assumption that none of you will get it.

“What is wrong with Mickey Mouse’s helicopter?”

“Disney Land”

In case the criminal element think that the sheriff retiring is good news, Margaret has handed over her Rolodex to Sue, and your name could well be near the front and covered with highlighter and some notes written in pencil.

In other news, Shaz “The Lightning” Thompson is back from saving the universe and our next committee meeting is coming up (should have happened by the time you read this). She will be taking over from me as temporary secretary

in a similar way that Neil Armstrong took over from a chimp to get the space program to stop eating bananas and finally land on the moon. Shaz has already been helping Mike out with things post-Margaret and she is working with Sir Leo to make some changes to the website. Gary is also doing his bit, so I think we are in safe hands.

Jake “Brains” Andrew has been working hard too and is analysing the data from the last member survey in different ways to see what else we can learn. He is also working with Mike on a strategy. Don’t yawn, this is very different to what you will have seen before in other places and will be simple, clear, and practical. In fact, I think it is an insult to call it a strategy and associate it with the finger paintings drawn by 3-year-olds that I have had to accept (and produce) in my career with the title of strategy.

Ian “Lunch” MacLaren and Carol “Captain Marvel” McMurray have, as always, been pushing hard to support the members. Lunch was heavily involved in the great printer debacle, which seems now to be resolved. The problem with this project is that we never really know when it is finished, and we are all too scared to celebrate too early. Silence is golden, and touch wood, ongoing, but none of us are brave enough to call it closed. When we can, it will be a great result for the club.

Unfortunately, Janie “Leave Me Out of the Newsletter” Russ has been doing it tough this month and we all wish her the best.

In case anyone has made it this far, here is an idea I’ll be raising with the committee in the lead up to the AGM next year, if they let me attend the committee meetings and don’t all pretend that we are meeting somewhere else at a different time. Honestly, it’s getting beyond a joke that by the time I find where they are hiding, they tell me the meeting has just finished.

This is just a thought at the moment (and I stole it from SA Bridge Association), but it would be good to get any opinions that you have.

Make all committee appointments two years long but have half come up each year for election. This would ensure more continuity between committees and avoid the situation where the committee all get knackered and leave at the same time. It also prevents the committee being taken over in a massive communist coup, as seems likely given the militants, agitators and conspiracy theorists that make up most of our membership.

Thank you, Margaret!

Mark Guthrie
NSBC President